Expectation Vs. Reality.....

Hey Sis, Well Vac is over & This week I'm super excited to have my first guest spot blogger Miss. ReelChat Caitlin Lagnese. Real Girlz please give Sis a warm welcome to the ~Sisterhood/Tribe~ as she welcomed me! I have found that sometimes expectations steal blessings. Let me explain. How many times have you been so concerned about the picture-perfect outcome that you completely missed out on the actual moment right in front of you? You have the picture of the beautiful moment saved in your Google Photos but you somehow cannot remember the actual moment. What could have been a wonderful memory has been clouded with the expectation of getting it caught on camera. The same can be said about transformation journeys. What could have been a beautiful physical and/or emotional transformation is often destroyed by unrealistic goals. How often are our expectations realistic? How often do our insecurities and personal traumas play a role in our expectations? How often do our physical and mental struggles lead us down a road of unattainability?

Here is an example in REAL-TIME. I have been trying to lose my “Covid 15” for months. I kept trying to find motivation anywhere I could. Here was my daily internal dialogue: You are going on a beach vacation in June. Don’t you want to be a sexy mama on that beach? -Being skinny and toned must be amazing. I bet skinny girls don’t struggle with what to wear to make themselves look thinner. -Okay, if we lose the weight we can break free of Spanx! -How about we take a long social media break and then come back once we have a hot little body. We’ll then make one of those posts about discipline and how you can have the body of your dreams too! -You know, you will be even more lovable once you lose that belly fat. -You will finally be happy once you are 115 pounds. Naw, more like 110. -Size 6 jeans Caitlin, get to size 6 jeans! -Let’s only eat 1,000 calories a day and never touch an ounce of sugar or processed food again. Oh, we can try being vegan. What a load of BS. Guess how many times I’ve been in this awful cycle? Guess how many times I’ve been the person preaching to women about breaking this cycle? Like many women, way too many times to count, and to be honest I’m quite embarrassed by my hypocrisy. It wasn’t until the spring of 2011, after suffering a sexual trauma, that I began packing on pounds to my very tiny frame (I am only 4’11”). I have lost the weight several times since then only to put the pounds right back on. But I never seem to remember losing the weight or putting it back on. It all seems to be a blur. Looking back motivation wasn’t my problem. The problem was my mindset. I am an all-or-nothing kind of gal due to my OCD. So I’m either on some crazy restrictive diet or I am eating every feeling I’ve ever felt. And while there have been a few times I’ve tiered on the edge of obesity, for the most part, my extra belly fat is considered to be “vanity pounds”. Just recently I went to get my yearly physical and was somewhat shocked to get a clean bill of health even though I haven’t lost all of my “Covid weight.” My blood work looked good, my blood pressure was normal, and while my GP said it would not hurt to lose a few more pounds, she said I am doing just fine. That’s when it hit me, this is a battle between me and no one else. You see because my expectations have been so unreal, I haven’t even realized how far I’ve come. Yes, when Covid hit I gained a couple of pounds but what I failed to remember was all the progress I had made over the years. Yes, my pants are still a little tight but guess who doesn’t have Hypertension or Prediabetes anymore? Maybe part of the problem is that I have never really embarked on a true fitness journey. I have just crashed dieted and done ridiculous things to lose weight, like deciding to go from couch to marathon in 3 months. I would not recommend that by the way. So what am I doing differently this time? Well, I am currently taking this fitness journey one day at a time. I am being mindful of what goes into my body but also making sure I eat a dang hamburger or ice cream cone every so often. I’m moving my body more but making sure I get rest days in too. Instead of going all in and depriving myself, I am making small sustainable changes. One small step at a time. Because ultimately I made a promise to myself to do this the right way. No quick fixes, no crash diets, and no obsessing over calories. It’s all about balance. I am going to love myself in the here and now and thank my body for all she’s done, like bringing my two beautiful babies into this world. I am just now seeing my beautifully imperfect body as a blessing. No longer am I chasing a body type that I wasn’t even supposed to have. Health is so much more than a number on a scale.

My mental health journey is another example of expectation Vs. reality playing out in my life. I was very depressed during the first few years of my kiddo’s life. I am not kidding when I tell you that for the longest time, I didn’t hear birds chirping; I didn’t hear my kid’s laughter as they finally broke free of the house and ran around our yard come spring. Here in Ohio we anxiously await spring every year. Our winters tend to be long and cold. Every year right around late April when spring would arrive, I would be in such a hurry to do it all, see it all, and of course have 15 million playdates just to get my kids to pose by the blooming trees so I could post on Instagram. #Blessed #SpringHasSprung. My mind was running a mile a minute, so much so that I didn’t start hearing birds chirp again until the age of 30. Yes folks, sad but true. When I finally slowed down guess what I heard? Now of days there is nothing more beautiful to me than the sound of birds singing their sweet melodies while my kids laugh and play outside in the fresh spring air. Talk about a blessing. These are the little moments that I now never take for granted. As a sit here outside writing this very post, I can hear two birds singing, and it’s music to my ears. Honestly, it’s more than just birds chirping. You see, I was so caught up in depression and OCD that I fell victim to social media. I was so far from okay yet my Facebook page painted a much different picture. At the end of the day, I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Sadly I wasn’t the mom I am today but I have forgiven myself. I regret nothing because inside of those hard moments were so many beautiful lessons. Now I rarely use social media and when I do It’s not all-consuming because I don’t have anyone to fool, I don’t have anything to prove. I don’t need to take a million pictures anymore or be so busy that I can’t even hear nature’s beautiful music.

What I have ultimately realized on my journey is that while we all have different hang-ups, almost all of us crave the same two things, love and validation. So many of us will go to great lengths to try and find it or earn it. I know I sure did. But you see my friends, love and validation cannot be earned or bought. It’s not found in the size of your jeans or how many followers you have on Instagram. Real blessings are not things, but rather moments, memories, and people. When I look at my personal growth it brings me to tears because I have decided to go on a journey of self-betterment with no expectations other than being the best version of me I can be. Period. That thinking not only saved my life but also turned out to be one of my biggest blessings. So while I am human and still lose my way sometimes, I am always able to find my way back because I am not focusing on anything other than my truth. I am focused on the ones I love and the ones who love me. So as I sit here listening to the beautiful sound of chirping birds while feeling the warm spring sunshine on my skin, I thank God for all the beautiful blessings around me. I challenge you to examine some of your expectations. Ask yourself, are they rooted in reality or fantasy? What can you do starting today to make your goals more reachable and your progress more sustainable? Girl, you got this!

Hi, I am Caitlin Lagnese and I am women’s mental health & wellness blogger from Cleveland, Ohio. My blog is called ReelChat and it’s all about ditching the highlight reel mentality one post at a time. As someone who has dealt with mental health issues, been in and out of therapy, and has gone on an incredible journey of self-betterment and discovery, I long to help others in their path to wellness. ReelChat was developed by the guiding principles of trust, open-mindedness, and acceptance. This tribe exists to support and uplift fellow “chatters” and provide a safe place to voice your struggles and seek guidance. ReelChat is a safe place to participate in raw and meaningful conversations. From fitness and organization to anxiety and depression, ReelChat will cover a wide variety of topics aimed to help women who are looking for the tools to improve their life. Check us out at reelchat.net! E-mail- reelchatnet411@gmail.com Facebook- reelchat_blog Instagram- reelchat_blog We love having guests on our blog too! If you or someone you know would like to talk about their journey with mental health/and or wellness, please e-mail us. We would love to have you! No prior writing experience is needed.