Would You Hold Him Down?

So this problem came in from Sis & She said that she met a guy on a dating website & couple of weeks after talking he told her that he had something he wanted to speak to her about. He said that he was currently doing time in a federal penitentiary, at this point in time she had already started liking him, so she was willing to do the time with him, and take a journey, she felt like she had never been in a relationship where she had gotten to know somebody on more of a mental level instead of a physical level, that two years wasn't much time to put in with someone. He also told her that he was innocent for the crime that he was in for. Here's the issue most recently Sis took it upon herself to play Inspector gadget and found out that dude lied to her not only is he guilty for the crime. He will be spending the next six years in the federal penitentiary. within only a couple of months dude has lied to her, so is it worth it for her to continue on this path with him and even try to continue to get her feelings involved also two years versus six years is a very long time to dedicate to the unknown should Sis stay involved is her question?

RGP Answer: Well Sis you said a mouthfull there, well in I was being optimistic so I went to Goolgle on (2) things that came to mind; Starting relationships on a lie & prision relations, so heres there opinion before i give mines. Per Psychology Today; The Cost of Secrets and Lies

Most people who lie worry about the risks of being honest, but give little thought to the risks of dishonesty. Some of the ways in which lies and secrets cause harm are: 1. They block real intimacy with a partner. 2. They lead to cover-up lies and omissions that can be hard to remember. 3. The secret holder feels guilty, or at least uncomfortable, during intimate moments with the deceived person. 4. Honesty is valued as a moral norm, although the context and specifics may differ among cultures. 5. This violation of our values not only leads to guilt; it also affects our self-concept. 6. Our ways of managing guilt and shame create more problems. 7. Not surprisingly, beyond mental distress, research reveals that lying leads to health complaints. 8. The victim of deception may begin to react to the avoidant behavior by feeling confused, anxious, angry, suspicious, abandoned, or needy.

What to Reveal Opinions vary on how much “truth” others need to know. In some cultures, there’s a tacit understanding that infidelity is almost expected — as long as the adulterer is discreet. Mores change over time: Homosexuality and transsexuality, once taboos, are now more openly accepted and discussed. Similarly, having unmarried parents or being adopted were once kept secret or only revealed when the child was older. Such jarring revelations could be traumatic, yet also explained confusing anomalies in a child’s mind. We have a right to information about our heritage, particularly for medical reasons. Secrets about things such as addiction, criminality, and mental illness can lead to real risks, along with chronic shame and family dysfunction. Children already “know” something’s wrong, but denial undermines their self-trust and reality testing.

In a sexual relationship, we have a right to know our partner’s intentions and fidelity for emotional as well as medical reasons. Often, faithful partners rationalize or deny this need and their vulnerability to their emotional detriment. By not asking questions or expressing their needs, they enable and collude in deception for the same reason that the betrayer is dishonest or secretive — to not rock the boat and jeopardize the relationship. When there’s been betrayal, even if the couple stays together, seeds of distrust linger and sometimes poison the relationship.

Time in prison increases divorce rate Speaking with The New York Times in 2005, Oklahoma City prison chaplain Ron Grant said that 80 per cent of married will men find their marriages end within their first year in prison. For women, he added, the rate is nearly 100 per cent. Another study noted that each year of a prison term increases odds of divorce, even after getting out, by an average of 32 per cent. While making Met While Incarcerated, I learned that “prison wives” and women in long-term relationships with incarcerated men tend to talk openly in social media groups about feelings of shame and guilt, and the stigma they face, especially if their partner has committed a violent crime. Many are frustrated that they’re unable to share in life’s simple joys with their partners. These women also often find themselves resenting having to bear the brunt of financial and parenting responsibilities alone. Maintaining a relationship with an individual in prison is expensive, too. Between visits, phone calls and giving their partner money “on his books” for food or toiletries, they can spend thousands of dollars a year to support the relationship.

RGP Answer: Well here was my answer immediatly after reading Sis email. As for me, her, she, I'm unconfortable with the unknown and whos to say that dude ain't running this same story to 10 other chicks for phone calls, commisary, and just some time. Like its hard enough out here when you already have a bond with someone aheahd of time and they go away, but to trust a strange asking ​you to hold them down, thats asking alot & when that stranger starts off by lying its hard to come back from that. How can you trust someone by their word if trust is earned and they start off the account in the negative status. Run Sis, I'm sorry two years was maybe time for you to learn somethings about yourself, but six is doing time with someone you don't even know. Rite now it seems like your Prince Charming may be a wolf in sheeps clothing. This can work out either way, theres also the sithuation with the non-violent vs. violent crime that he is actually guilty of commiting. After these six years of you holding down a stranger what will life look like? Where will you be in six years Sis? Mentally, physically, fincally, spiritually & where does dude fit into your life logistically? After being in prision for 10 years you don't just drop back into society and hit go.There's just alot to think about.